Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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