I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
