she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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