Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
