He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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