Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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