Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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