you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
