I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
