She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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