4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
