Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
