so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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