I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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