Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
