Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
