cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
