Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
