Porn is love you can see.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
