I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
