There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
