In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
