u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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