i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am available for nakedness
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
