I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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