Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
