I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
