He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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