I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
