There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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