She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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