in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
