Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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