Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
