Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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