You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
