If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
