Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
