is your mom at the bar?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
