Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
