Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
