After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
