508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
