I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
