Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All the doctor said was why
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
