I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
