She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
