I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
3 2 1 whiskey
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
