As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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