My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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