dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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