So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
