***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
