Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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