his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
