....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
