You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
